Welcome to my diary... The following pages will be about my life as a performing artist. I just moved to Melbourne after finishing a degree in Music Theatre (in sunny Queensland), to become a performing artist. Whether that be straight acting, music theatre, or songwriting. Where will it lead? I don't know. What I do know is that it will be an interesting (if not bumpy) journey...

I thought this might be an interesting read for anyone else out there with stars in their eyes... This is the reality!

I say Dream, but keep your eyes open ...

The Big Move
January 20, 2005
Well I've just arrived in Melbourne and I'm sitting in a café at 9pm. The café is part of a bookshop that is open till 10pm on a week night, and it's packed with people!

I'm staying in a student rooming house in Carlton for a couple of weeks until I find my own place. I've paid 1 month in advance, so now I have $0 to my name. The one little room is actually good because it makes me want to get out and do something.

The tramline where I'm staying isn't working because they're doing work to the line. Great !?#! The major theatres are just down the road and it's 5 minutes from the city. I am sooo happy to be here! Melbourne is very beautiful and the weather has been gracious so far. I've heard a lot of people speak in different languages. There are many cultures here. I ask directions and half the people are tourists. I turned up to the student housing and the man who answered the door couldn't help me because he didn't speak English. It was my first day and I felt like the visitor in a strange country.

The First Obstacle
January 21, 2005

First stumble. The place I'm staying doesn't have a phone or internet access. How am I going to survive? You don't exist if you're not wired! (well I don't, the hermit that I am). I had to go to a phone box and ring around schools to ask about advertising rates for my singing studio. It was funny that someone blessed me by leaving a phone card in the booth that I went into.

I think I've found a venue to teach from. The Cora Grove Community Center across the road from the St Kilda Botanical Gardens.

I feel like I'm on holidays because everything is new and exciting. The city is very green. Lots of beautiful trees and wide streets (for the trams). I don't feel like everyone is a cold faceless person like Sydney - rush, rush, head down. I feel so much more alive when I'm outside. I need a beautiful beach or a bustling city to feel alive. I think Melbourne is going to be good for me. And I just bought my first red lipstick! That's a major achievement for someone who's been politically opposed to what I used to think of as an arrogant colour. Now I just have to buy some green jewellery and clothes to feel fresh and new. It's time for an overhaul. I just got all my long hair chopped off too after 17 years! And it feels .... GREAT! sometimes you just have to do something drastic to pull yourself out of the rut you're in. There's only one problem with this equation though ... money. I have none. Not that I've really worried about it before, but I think it's time... Yep, I think it's time. Oh yeh, that's right... My tax is due in a couple of weeks and I have a whole year's of receipts to input into my accounting program.
 
Still Moving
January 22, 2005
The removalist arrived today with the rest of my boxes. Now I can actually find my dance gear and sheet music and start dance classes and teach singing. Unfortunately it's Saturday and this is the day to be out looking for accomodation but I had to wait for my boxes. Didn't get much else done today which was a bit dissappointing but I suppose there are going to be days like this.


 
The Industry
January 23, 2005
I went to an open day for a performing arts course today. I'm not really ready to jump in just yet. I want to see what's around first. My ex-boyfriend rang last night. He's a fantastic actor and singer but he has been tredding the boards for a few years and getting really close to big breaks but he just can't seem to cross that line and now he's exhausted from trying. It's disappointing to see such talent go to waste. The industry has worn him down and I'm just reving up. I guess we all chose our own path, neither less trying or deserving than the other, but hopefully we'll all end up at our destination.
 
Audition – 60’s Band
January 26, 2005
I auditioned for a 60’s tribute band last night. I used to be in a soul band so I thought this would be easy work. About $130 per gig which is pretty good. But the lead singer was a screamer and expected me to do the same. Now that my voice is better trained and has the ability to do music theatre, operetta, and classical, I don’t want to wreck it by thrashing it at a four hour gig. I think I’ll have to look around for jazz or acoustic type gigs that gentler on the vocal cords.
 
House Hunting
January 27, 2005
I looked at a studio apartment in St Kilda today for $130. It was so small. I can’t teach from there because everything is in the one room. I really like Carlton where I’m staying as it’s very European in flavour and is so close to the city and has great cafes, so I might stick around here for a bit.
 
Not so good News ...
January 28, 2005
I just found out that my dad has prostate cancer. I really don’t know what to do. Should I go back home to Queensland? My mum got sick a few years back and I was inter-state back then as well. I missed out on so many family things. I missed all her birthdays and mother’s days for 4 years. I then when I decided to move home, it was too late. So what should I do now? I don’t know how advanced the cancer is and what kind of treatment he’ll be having. He will be going to see the specialist on Sunday, so I guess I’ll wait till then before I make a decision. This is just really unfair. I want dad to be around to see me grow, to see me make it. It would feel like an empty victory without him there. I feel a bit responsible because cancer can be a stress related disease and he resented me going to uni to do performing arts and didn’t want to help me out financially because he already has with my last degree in Film & TV, but was forced to when my government payment ran out. Today has been the worst day. I walked 20 minutes just to use the library’s internet for an hour. It was so hot and then it was spitting in the afternoon.
 
Getting on with it
February 1, 2005
Today I feel a bit better. I've sent off some money orders to advertise my singing studio in some school newsletters, so hopefully I’ll get some students soon. I'm auditioning for a children's show on Thursday. It's like Hi-5 but I have to be an insect. And I'm auditioning for a music theatre society doing Witches of Eastwick later this month.
 
Agent Hunting
February 2, 2005
I just scored a meeting with Janine J Cowie Management for next Thursday. She said that normally she would ask for a bio and headshot to be sent but due to my experience she is happy to skip it and go straight to a meeting. I got the contact and recommendation from a lovely girl on an acting newsgroup that I'm on. I am so happy. Now I have to frantically finish my website and find my demo material for her.
 
Audition – Kid’s Show
February 3, 2005
Yesterday was shitty because my singing student simply forgot to turn up, so I wasted 3 hours travelling to the studio, waiting, and going home again. And some other students want me to make house calls instead, which also chews up time and I don't have public liability insurance. I auditioned for the kid's show today. We had to pick up an object and improvise to explore and find out what the object is. And then we had to sing a children's song. I did a Hi-5 song but went blank on it, then sang it badly because I was nervous (and a little unprepared). I did ok but I don't think my characterisation was big enough for a kids audience.
 
Singing Studio
February 7, 2005
I picked up 3 singing students today. And I may have a flatmate. The lady I auditioned with for the insect children's group is looking for someone. But she doesn't work which could be a problem because I want to teach singing from home and that might not work with her.
 
I Have an Agent!
February 8, 2005
I think I just got myself an agent. JJCM (Janine J Cowie Management). I am so happy. She takes the time to talk with you and discuss your career, it's so refreshing. I also just had a singing lesson with Louise Mahler. She does a lot of body work and engages the whole body when singing. Up until now, the bottom half of me had left the room whenever I sang, which meant no real support or breath control. She's great. Really full-on.
 
Getting a Day Job
February 11, 2005
I went for a job interview for Cirque De Soile (Quiddam) as a production assistant. And although that would be a great experience, I turned it down because it meant full-time work for two months, which means that I can't audition for anything during the day, which is the whole point of moving to Melbourne. So I think I've finally resigned to the fact that I have to get a cafe/waitress job that's flexible and not hard to replace my shift if I have an audition that day. My legs are so sore from my singing lesson. We did a lot of leg and abdominal and my legs are killing me. How does that help my singing? Breathing, support, and stability of sound, as well as correct body alignment and engaging the whole body.
 
Week In Summary ...
February 13, 2005
I got an agent, a singing teacher, some singing students, an audition, and a job interview. I also finished my website. Overall, a very productive week.
 
Week In Summary …
February 20, 2005
I spent the week preparing myself for two auditions on the weekend. I had the audition for Witches of Eastwick on Saturday and the call back on Sunday. What a full-on day. The call back went for 4 hours! I did really well in the dance audition and I got a call back from the vocal audition. They then said that it was a matter of mixing the 3 female lead voices, so they kept on swapping us around. We then learnt and presented a 5 minute scene from the show in groups, and then we sang the highest notes the character sings. My character had a top-C, which I could get and an Eb in chest belt, which I couldn’t. That’s a pretty hard core note, and my training was more classical and music theatre mix than belting. I was sooooo depressed! So that’s the next thing on my agenda to learn… how to belt! I didn’t settle just for the chorus because my resume needs lead roles on it. Was this a good choice? I don’t know. It would have been a good show with good peopole but it means two rehearsals a week for a few months just for a chorus role and it it means I can’t do anything else. I also had an audition for My Fair Lady on the Saturday, which I didn’t get a call back for. I chose a song that was too hard for a pianist to sight read, so we ended up getting out of sync and it was just abysmal. I wasn’t too bummed though because I did so well at the other audition. You win some …
 
Week In Summary …
February 27, 2005
I had a trial at Campari café/restaurant as a waitress. I’ve been working all week, so I think I’ve got a job! I’ve finally become responsible and humbled and now I’m a café wench. The bosses are really nice though and I feel really good that I am looking after myself. My boyfriend and I are driving each other nuts at the moment. I think I’m getting cabin fever in that cramped room. We also moved next door to another rooming house because the room is larger, but it’s sharing with 6 other people and there’s only one shower and the kitchen looks like a bachelor pad. John and I bought a computer for me to do web work. We bought it at a computer swap meet market, so we got all the parts reaaaaaally cheaply and then paid someone to put it all together. Unfortunately, it’s a pc instead of a mac but for a saving of $3500, I think it’s worth it. And I got a pretty silver case that has blue neon lights around it. My best friend also came down and I got to spend a few days with her. She’s an environmentalist and works for FOE (Friends of the Earth), and had some meetings on. She travels a little bit with her work which is good, because that means that I will get to see her more often.
 
Fiannces
March 4, 2005
I'm a bit bummed because I don't have enough credit rating or stability (financial and accommodation), to get a mobile phone and change plans to a different company. I could save 100's of dollars by changing but don't have the credit rating to change to a lower grade plan. How does that work?
 
Week In Summary …
March 6, 2005
I've been reading a book called "Coach Yourself to Success", by Talane Miedaner. It's about looking at all aspects of your life to become more happier and successful in what you want to do. And part of that is looking at your finances. I don't have any to look at, so I don't, but that's the problem. So I worked out a budget (and worked out that I was living way above my means), and that I would have to actually do something about this if I want to a) get out of debt, b) travel, c) do some acting courses, d) keep up singing lessons and dance classes. John and I had a huge row. I was really annoyed with him and he was the one who ended up yelling at me… Cabin fever real baaaaaad.
 
Week In Summary …
March 13, 2005
I started dance classes and found out about a bunch of acting classes for theatre, film & tv. The gym is also on my back after my 2 week trial expired. So now I’ve got to figure out my finances and see what I can afford. My agent also sent me a brief for a musical and there is an audition coming up for cruise ship work. Nothing like an audition to get you off your butt and into the gym. My timetable is filling up and I’m having trouble juggling work, teaching, dance and gym classes, singing lessons, and practising. And I still don’t have somewhere permanent to live. I think it’s time for a life coach.
 
Week In Summary …
March 20, 2005
I saw a life coach this week and we wrote down the goals of 1) get my finances together, 2) get my body and mind ready to audition, 3) write and perform an original song. I think I would benefit tremendously out of the process, BUT … I just can’t afford the $2000 it would cost to partake in. I might have to actually save my pennies first to be able to achieve that one. It’s funny, because I know that doing the course would make me money, but at the same time, being financially responsible for myself means that I need to not use my credit card to do it. I also saw someone regarding an acting course that is Laban/Method in flavour. It is very intense and personally confronting. It’s kind of like therapy into acting, and changes your whole perception of yourself and your place in the world. One thing the lady I spoke to observed was that I come across as conservative in a first impression, which is totally not me. The course looks at the process of how and why this happened, as well as changing that. Another course that I think I would benefit tremendously out of. This one is $750, which I also can’t afford. And I don’t know if I’m fully prepared to do a course like this. My life is just too unstable to be rocking the emotional boat too. Maybe next year …
 
Week In Summary …
March 27, 2005
I spent the entirety of the week preparing myself for an audition for the professional musical Leader of the Pack. This was my first professional audition. I had to sing two contrasting 60’s songs. I didn’t have any in my repertoire so I went to the music store, bought a $50 sheet music book of 60’s songs, went to a pianist and got some put down onto tape for me to practice to. Then I went to a singing lesson to work on the songs technically. I wrote out the words and put them in my pocket at work so I could learn them quicker, and listened to the songs on my headphones constantly whenever I was out and about. On the day, I didn’t even get to sing because I didn’t get passed the dance audition. My sister said, “I bet that was a slap in the face”. You see, usually when they put lead singing roles through a dance audition I jump for joy, but my brain just wasn’t quick enough with the steps on the day. They also stipulated tight fitting clothing, so they were looking for skinny minis, which I’m not. Even though people think I have a healthy figure, it’s not a dancer’s figure. I actually asked my dance teacher once of the statistics of professional dancers with eating disorders. He said 80%. Now I do want a dancer’s figure but I don’t want to have to throw up to get it. Besides, it would damage my singing voice. That’s why I’m so eager to get to the gym, and to move somewhere permanent so I can prepare more healthier food more easily. I actually wasn’t too bummed about the audition, because there’ll always be more. And I use them as a learning experience of what I need to work on. And since I haven’t really danced for 4 months, it was no wonder that my chops weren’t up to it. It’s just another kick in the butt to get to a dance class and get to the gym. I’m going home next week to Brisbane for my dad’s operation. I’ll be able to spend a little bit of time with him before he goes into hospital, which will be good. He’s sent me Power of Attorney forms to sign incase something happens to him. Us three girls would be devastated if it did. Not only because mum is no longer with us, and it would seem a very unfair twist of life, but dad is the backbone of the family and makes us feel safe and secure. If everything in your life turns to shit, dad is always there. Plus, he has some investments and things like that, which we just wouldn’t know how to deal with. I’m sure everything is going to be ok though. Sometimes it just has to be.
 
Cruiseships and Car Accidents …
April 3, 2005
I auditioned for a cruiseship this week. We had to sing two contrasting songs, one pop/rock, and the other from music theatre. I didn’t do the dance audition because I was competing against dancer-dancers and for cruiseship work, they want the long legged variety, and since I’m 5 foot nothing, I didn’t think it was in my best interest. So I just went along to the singing audition. My boyfriend found out about the auditions for us both, so we both turned up at 2:30pm to find out that that was the call for the boys and the girls were into the call-back stage already. They did let me sing after everybody though and seemed impressed, but I didn’t get a call-back (which I had missed anyway). I didn’t really put in much effort for this audition and then leaped into action the day before, trying the get the music ready because they wanted backing tapes only. I was a little bummed but I got over it by the next day. John got a call-back though which was great. I was a little jealous because he is doing really well for someone who hasn’t had much training or made much effort to get to where he is. He’s lucky because he has a naturally gifted voice. I am happy for him, but am bummed by the fact that I work my arse off and still feel like I need more training. Well, I’m now in Brisbane. I stumbled across an ex-boyfriend from high school at the local shopping centre. I finally got to meet his wife that I had heard so much about. She is really loverly and I am happy that he has found life direction and happiness. He was one of the good ones so he deserves it. He did have his arms crossed the entire time we were talking, and sometimes his legs too. I don’t know why he was doing that. We have always been buddies, but it just seemed that this time I was a blast from the past, which is unfortunate.
 
At The Airport …
April 6, 2005
I’m now waiting at the airport to go back to Melbourne. Dad’s operation went well, but it was harder and larger than the doctors imagined, and they found 13 cancer spots, but the doctor gave the all clear last night that they got it all. I gave him a CD created by Louise Hay, a specialist in meta-physical concepts. The CD was “Dealing with Cancer” and had meditations on it and talks about getting rid of negative emotions that cause physical illness. I’ve had a pain in my chest ever since the operation day. I think it’s stress. I have a bit of a secret that I can’t tell dad because he’s still recovering … When he was in the operation theatre, I had a car accident in his 4x Drive. It was just a little bingle and hardly a scratch on dad’s car, but the other car had a huge dent along the driver’s door and scratches along the front panel. What I’m worried about is that I’m not on his insurance policy. The excess is at least $350. Money I just don’t have. I’m wondering why this has happened when I’ve finally started to take control of my finances? In the good news category, I have an interview with a dance school as their Song & Dance teacher. 3 classes on a Tuesday night. And I might even be able to get some private teaching from the students if they haven’t already got a singing teacher. It means I have to choreograph songs though so it will take a little extra time but it will look great on my resume! Oh, and I’ve got to learn 2 scenes by tonight’s TV Serial acting class. And work out how to cry on cue! Maybe I should think about telling dad about his car ;)
 
Getting Another Day Job
April 28, 2005
I just got another ridiculous phone bill from the last mobile phone company I was with. That, on top of the $350 excess I’ll have to pay on the car, and a $380 acting course has put my finances into the red. Soooo, I think I need to get another café/restaurant job on the weekends. I answered an advert for a position just around the corner from where I live this morning before work and went in and had an interview after work. It was an upper class restaurant and the manager was so arrogant and stand overish. I felt so stifled. This is not my career, I do not want to think really hard about this work, in fact, I want it to be fun! This job was NOT going to be fun. One of the workers who showed my around said that the boss is ok if you do the right thing. You just have to get used to the person. I don’t know about you but that rang off warning signs for me. He also offered me money under the table which I didn’t think happened in Australia, but it would just not be worth my mental health. I made an excuse to leave so I wouldn’t have to do a trial that night. There is no way that I can work in a job where I would be treated so poorly. I’ve also decided that just a café or a really laid back restaurant would suit me so much better than silver service. I don’t care if the pay is less. I want to enjoy my life!
 
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April 28, 2005
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